i don’t like fighting. i’m a non conflict girl and fighting just makes my heart ache. but we’re human and we’re real and we fight and that is the way of life sometimes and i will just be okay with how very different we are and how i adore you anyway.
Rob Bell: Like a song you hear in another room and you think, “boy, that sounds beautiful but I can only hear a little bit.” So you start opening doors and rearranging furniture because you have to get in that room and hear that song and when you get in, you find the knobs and you turn them all the way to the right because you think, “I have to hear more of that.” And then you open the windows because you want the people in the next houses to hear.
love causes you to stretch. love is painful. it causes you to grow and reach for anything you can to reciprocate it to you. love asks and expects. love waits. love gives grace even when exhausted. love can not help but be itself. love is fuel, love burns when you have no strength. love surprises the person it breathes in. love stops you, it pauses your old thoughts. love haunts your alone-ness. love requires to be felt. some love needs space, some love needs everything closer. love forces itself to take over.
“I fell asleep on my couch watching old romance movies with my glasses still on and my book in my hands. I woke up and ate a spoon-full of frosting and debated whether I should set the coffee maker for the morning.
I have a king size bed with a blanket on the end I never unfold. I always sleep on the left side, the right side kept perfectly made. some nights my room is so quiet I can hear my heartbeat. quiet is something I’ve had to get used to.
I bought a glass bottle of root beer today and couldn’t get the cap off. this man gently took it out of my hands, opened it, smiled and walked away.
I was talking to my friends about how I want to find love, honestly I’m not sure that I really do.
unless it’s someone who would close my book and take off my glasses when I fall asleep on the couch. unless it’s someone that will kiss frosting off my lips and make me excited to set the coffee maker (because I’ll know that in the morning I’ll take two cups out of the cabinet and smile as I pour hazelnut creamer). unless it’s someone who will mess up my sheets and perfectly made bed, making this room a little less quiet. unless it’s someone that will laugh as I struggle to open a glass bottle of root beer and instead of opening it for me he says, “you can do it, I know you can”
“What is going to happen in the course of my day that will be an improvement over lying on something very soft, underneath something very warm, wearing only underwear, doing absolutely nothing, all by myself?”
— Chuck Klosterman, Downtown Owl
THIS is exactly how i feel about today. sometimes you need to do nothing for a while.
okay so i basically have a million side-blogs on the go:
wedding, conveniently called “rachellegetsmarried”
home design, for all things related to beautiful homes and their architecture. cafes and libraries will probably also make a few special appearances because some of them are unavoidably worthy of posting
health & fitness, which has mostly turned into inspiration for living a healthy and appreciative life rather than a fitness blog, although i still workout… i just don’t feel the need to update the whole world on my progress.
Maybe certain people weren’t meant to understand you, listen to how you feel after hearing them out, or even treat you right. Perhaps even not love you for longer than necessary and that’s okay. Do you hear me? When the time comes, don’t be mad at them anymore- let them go and know their absence leaves more room for someone to stay.
God actually thought about having the leaves change colors at the time that they fall. He actually thought about trees being empty silhouettes of bones amongst the white snow. Those are my favorite parts of the way trees look; it is such a small but enthralling detail. He could have just caused them to be green and full no matter what the season.. but theres beauty in the way they cant help but change.
and what does that say about how particular He is with me. or us.
i haven’t given an update in a very, very long time. here goes.
michael asked me to marry him on august seventeenth, twenty minutes into a campfire we made with our bare hands. he’d asked my parents for permission and, while we had talked about getting engaged this year, i was completely shocked at his timing and overwhelmed with happiness. i cried a lot and was happy no one was around to see the red splotches on my face. it was perfect.
i finished my undergraduate over the summer - THANK THE LORD IT IS OVER and i can breathe! i got a really great mark on my thesis and that’s made the utter chaos of this past school year completely worth it.
i’m now taking two years off before my Masters’ so that i can save for school and plan the wedding, which will be in the summer of 2015. the time off school has been amazing so far… it took me so long to feel comfortable reading a book or watching a movie, because for the past four years of my life, doing so has been a use of time that takes away from my studying and i always felt ridiculously guilty. my papers and thesis were always in the back of my mind, pretty much taunting me. not anymore. feels pretty freakin good.
i got a new job at a new restaurant/microbrewery that i love; the management is amazing and the staff is one massive family. such a great little niche that i’ve fallen into there.
my parents are moving out of province in december - this will be the first time i will be officially out of my parents’ house. yes, i am twenty three and have PROUDLY lived at home the entire time. the plan is for me to move into a family friend’s basement, the same woman who adopted one of our foster kids, because she gave me an amazing deal for the basement. it will be great to be living with our previous thirteen year-old foster kid again, Manny, but i’ll miss my parents a ton.
all in all, i have been incredibly blessed with a man who loves me as much as the air he breathes… he is so wonderful and i can’t wait to build a home and a life with him.
dreaming of a little home near the water. mountains and trees surrounding it, built with our hands. lots of windows, few walls. music constantly swirling with the fresh air. a garden in the backyard, little feet making memories in the front yard. the sound of your car door shutting at the end of a workday mixed with the smells of dinner in the oven. opening the front door for the kids to run out to you, arms waving above their little bodies. a soft kiss and a warm embrace to welcome you home. conversation and laughter and general loudness during our meal, followed by quality time down by the water. bedtime stories + prayers and sweet kisses from the kids. front porch sitting, beer/whiskey sipping, and heart-sharing with you. crawling into bed and curling into your warmth, only to wake to another day of doing it all again.
i am feeling overwhelmed with joy lately. it’s not an understatement to say that this is perhaps the happiest i have ever been. these past couple months have been unbelievably inspiring and have shown me just how blessed i am, as a woman and as a member of my family.
my God, how great You are.
this morning i felt this pressed on my heart: “every blessing You pour out i’ll turn back to praise. and when the darkness closes in, Lord, still i will say: blessed be Your name.”
i know that life is basically a summation of all kinds of seasons; i am unashamedly enjoying this season of blessings. let me then be a blessing to those whose hearts are hurting.
I don’t wonder anymore what I’ll tell God when I go to heaven, when we sit in the chairs under the tree, outside the city…….. I’ll tell these things to God, and he’ll laugh, I think, and he’ll remind me of the parts I forgot, the parts that were his favorite. We’ll sit and remember my story together, and then he’ll stand and put his arms around me and say, “well done,” and that he liked my story.
And my soul won’t be thirsty anymore.
”—Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (via yesdarlingido)