triggers and shaking hands and too many words telling me where the lines belong.
i used to think that the tiny diamond-shaped specs in my skin were the very dust from which i was created. i would say, mom look, i can see how He molded me together. things were so much easier back then. decisions were black and white and even ten years from then, love was enough to make it. now, though… i can’t believe after twenty one years it’s still this hard to put my head before my heart. who am i kidding, i can’t stay and it’s killing me. at least tonight. tonight is honesty and tonight is brutal beauty and tonight i can admit it even if i really don’t know and maybe i’m wrong, maybe i can do this and maybe i’m just looking at it backwards because who am i kidding, i don’t want to let go.
In the middle of the night, I am drawn to your heartbeat, merely because it is louder than any other sound and it is the most comforting of them all.
i’m such a wimp with cold weather okay, i’m moving elsewhere whenever my life allows it.
tonight is one of the foster kids’ last nights. guhhh. i friggin love this girl, she’s been with us for about a year and a half now. soo in honor of her last night, she & i went out to rent The Help and got some chips. i’m super stoked to spend the night with her but i’m nervous for what’s ahead of her in the days to come. only God knows and all i can do is love her and pray my guts out.
stoked for a good night!